Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Taking 1 second at a time

Did my numbers game play out the way I had hoped? Not exactly. Though I most definitely am not allowed to complain about it because I did walk away with a PB in the open 400, so not a total loss. Sometimes I wrap my mind around times that I can't just let go and run. I constantly fight this battle of what I know I'm cabable of running and what I actually race. I then fail to recognize a gain when it's right in front of me. Again need to work on this.

Friday, January 21, 2011

No whammy, no whammy, no whammy

As I set out to a trek back to the motherland for the weekend, I sit in my head playing the numbers game. Never a good thing with me, but it's hard not to when you're sitting on a bus for 4 hours (though admittedly I started playing this one on Tuesday). In practice you can normally gauge your performances to a degree, what you do repeatedly becomes a second nature. Of course with me it can go every which way, since I'm not a professional athlete it's a little harder to control much of my outside occurrences. I only sit here thinking about my meet on Sunday just because of our workout on Tue. A single 350m, there wasn't any time to meet it was just run it all out. We did a 350 a couple weeks ago and I can't remember exactly what I ran it in but I know that it worked out to be a 64sec 400m. Per usual I raced 2 days before it and ran a 65, makes no sense. Back to this past Tuesday's workout I was able to reel out the distance in 53 seconds. 53 + 8 =61 simple math makes sense, what I will actually do is an unknown variable. Could this be my break?

Sunday, January 16, 2011

The good, the bad, and the what happened

Started off my year with the first race of 2011 in a brand spanking new uniform top racing my first 500 at a last minute decision meet. In similar suits of the couple of previous meets that I've raced this indoor season this one did pan out quite as I had high hopes for. The funniest part of it is at Tuesday's practice we did 3x500 and the first rep I did was almost exactly what my race time was, 1 tenth of a second off. This is where I KNOW that math & whatnot are not adding up. On one hand I really can't be disappointed because it was the first time I'd ever raced that distance, I was stuck in lane 6 for 200+ meters (which is not an easy lane to be in), and I also in the past have always struggled to hit my times in practice for 500. On the other hand I have every right to be disappointed because I was able to hit that exact time without spikes and without the extra boost & cheering section that always comes with meets. I know I've been sounding like a broken record lately but it is really frustrating me to no end. Hoping for a break sometime soon...persistence is a charm??? (at least that's what my heart telling me)

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Embracing the Imperfect

'Perfection is not just about control, it's also about letting go.'
 I went and saw Black Swan today and it kind of hit home a bit. I'm not a dancer and I don't think that the pressure that revolves around the dancer world is quite the same as the running world. I did however feel a connection though with how much the lead character wanted to be perfect. I won't goes as far as to say we were the same (she was definitely on the other end of crazy scale) but similarities exist and it got me thinking.  So much of my life is maintaining control over everyday things and hiding imperfections, after a while it starts to weigh me down. Even though I don't do the whole resolution thing I think in the spirit of it being a new year I'm going to do something similar to a resolution. I'm going to embrace the bad that comes with my running and racing. I usually do try my hardest to look at the bright side of a down fall but I don't always acknowledge it to the fullest. With that I will start to keep a log of all my race performances, whether I find them acceptable or not. I always try to hide that nasty little number when I'm embarrassed and striving for unattainable perfection. Now it's time to take those numbers and wrap my arms around them,bring them to the surface then send them on their merry way.
I'm also going to embrace my new training regimen as I really haven't quite yet grasped it yet. I still want to think like I was training with Boston, but the truth is I'm in NY and I need to get in that NY state of mind while I'm here. My coach is a coach for a reason, they know what they're doing so I need to embrace it.
There's going to be a lot of hugging and imperfections this year, or atleast an attempt.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can

I've always compared my running from the very first time I joined the cross-country/track team in high school to the book 'The Little Engine that Could'. My little train has had it's hills to pull the load over, and  it's succeed for the most part but there's always a new hill to conquer. My new hill isn't such a new hill just a long one that's not moving quite as quickly as my chugging heart would like it to. I'm making those adjustments to pull harder as I go along but one minor glitch holds me back. Competitions and my mental attachment. I train hard but when it comes to meet day I sometimes fall short of expectations. Earlier on when I came back from my break I realized I had too high expectations so I learned to make reachable hopes, but as of lately what I thought was reasonable hasn't been so attainable. I'm trying to be as optimistic as I can, but some days it begs to be difficult. Meet after meet I question what's gone wrong, then start to analyze numbers and times, doesn't always add up, and they won't because there's nothing wrong with the numbers, it's all in my head. Don't get me wrong I run because I love it, not for reach of certain times or bragging rights but when you put so much time and effort in to something, you really want that recognition to come out in your races. I believe somehow through the fog I will keep huffing and puffing along up my hill until I finally get to top to say "I knew I could", to start my next hill. It's just a wonder when and how.