Heavy Heart

I woke up this morning exhausted from the weekend festivities but incredibly grateful for the insanely amazing things that were happening in my life at that very moment. I trained my client, then on the bus ride home started thinking about the Boston Marathon, I had a number of friends, current teammates from CPTC and old teammates from GBTC racing. I always get this crazy excitement when Boston comes around, even though I'm not a marthoner, nor have plans in any near future to become one (I won't say never). Did a quick social media wish to everyone, then got home to try and tackle my taxes (because I'm the queen procrastination and had to wait til the last minute to file). Of course I passed out as soon I got home, prolonging my tasks, then as I woke up the marathon top finishers started to roll towards the finish so I HAD to refresh twitter 20 thousand times to follow what was going on (since the marathon wasn't televised in NY), again prolonging looming tax tasks. Finally I put the phone down to start on the dread, didn't get too far before I was on my phone again playing in twitter land(yes a little bit obsessed).

 Then something happened, I started to see some disturbing tweets and photos. I wasn't sure if I was really reading what I was reading. Is this for real? Two explosions went off at the finish line of the Marathon? This can't be real? Then the tweets started coming in from reputable sources and they were coming in at an alarming rate. I felt my stomach tighten, and my heart feel like it was about to explode. Holy crap this is REAL! I didn't know what to do. I sat in my bed looking in disbelief at one particular photo and the constant tweets on my phone. In my lifetime so many devastating tragedies have hit, and all have saddened me. But this one hit home, really really close to home, too close to home. Home as in my running community, where the heart of my soul lives. Home as where I call where I'm from, Boston whether I'm near or far will always be the home of my heart. Home as where I had countless friends there running and cheering, where had I not had to work and race my own meet this past weekend would have been there cheering. Home. Home. I just couldn't. 

Only an hour before was thinking about the amazement of Kara Goucher asking how her friend/training partner Shalane Flanagan finished as soon as she crossed the line. Thinking about my own past training partners and how much they made an impact on me and really wishing I had that right now. Thinking about how resilient anyone that runs for 26.2 miles is, I have great respect for them. Thinking about how excited I was about my own 2 PRs I broke on Saturday. Thinking about all the crazy happiness I was experiencing. Then BAM how, why, what! I couldn't wrap my head around the events. I started sending out tweets, facebook posts and texts to anyone I knew that either lives there now or may have been in town. Slowly and thankfully I started to see that people were safe. But even with that security, my heart still sat in my stomach, all I wanted to do was hop on a bus to Boston and hug every single friend I know there. All I could think about were the people and their families that were injured/killed from this senseless act. All I could think about is could I possibly know someone that was right where the explosions went off. All I could do is pray, hope for the best. I felt lost, confused, I still do. 

In the light of the devastation I will remember runners are one big family, no matter where we are in the sport, novice, elite, sprinters, jumpers, mid-distance, distance and road. We are truly a resilient bunch, I mean put our bodies through some serious torture for so many reasons. We are crazy (in a good way). I will remember only yesterday watching and cheering on an empowering field of fierce ladies run the More Fitness Half in Central Park.  I will take out my old Greater Boston Track Club gear and wear it in unity for today's tragedy, even though I no longer compete for them. I will continue to run despite my heavy heart. I will continue after my running goals. I will remember the happiness running brings. I will unite as a runner. I will find solace in my sport. I will remember why I run.