Thursday, February 7, 2008


Here's an excerpt from the my so called life-haha I think that that show was actually supposed to be made for me, though I can't say I've ever watched it, so maybe just the title was meant for me. Anyways I've been slumming around the past couple of weeks after returning from my vacation, due to losing my job while I was away (it was by no fault of my own, I'm over it, there was nothing I could do) It's been kind of like getting hit by a freight train you didn't see coming, actually it is that, for some time now. I've sent out dozens of resumes, went on countless interviews and so far have come up empty handed. All the while I've been telling myself that everything will work out, just be patient, something will come out of the work. I've been trying to keep up the appearance of it's all good. But truthfully I've been doubting myself, I haven't been fully believing in the things that I keep telling myself. It's that slow creeping doubt, the one that isn't there initially but once it finds it's way in it lingers, then by the time you've flushed the negative thoughts it's too late. You become the victim of self sabotage. All too often I find myself in this tangled web I've spun in all aspects of my life. (Just to clear things I'm not always a "Negative Nelly" by any means, just at times)

Yesterday was the start of Lent. I'm not super crazy religious and what not but I have my beliefs (enough said). Typically I give up a food or something along those lines, this year after countless thinking of what vice I should give up, I decided to give up being negative and all negative thoughts. This all came about because last week I got a book to help guide me some with the mental aspect of my running. To briefly sum up the book, it's mind over matter, positive thinking, visualization techniques, etc., one of those self-help round-a-about kind of things. As I was reading it and contemplating giving up sweets, it came to me...what better way to kick start the mental game then to let go of the If-I-think-of-the-worst-possible-scenario-when-something-turns-out-bad-it-won't-be-as-bad-and when-it-turns-out-good-then-it's-great security blanket.

Well to get to the heart of the story, yesterday I went to a place that I knew was hiring, and filled out an application. The manager gave me an on the spot interview, I also interviewed with the owner. It went very well, and was told that the manager and owner would talk things over the following morning and I'd get a call today if they wanted to set something up with me. I left with a superbly great feeling. I woke up this morning, even with not getting a good night's sleep, very positive. So early this afternoon I decided to give my house a good scrubbing, it's been a tad bit neglected. At this point I hadn't heard anything back from the restaurant, but I made a promise to give up the negativity, so I continued to clean and not get down on it. As I was cleaning I picked a piece of paper and on it was the word "Believe", it happened to be part of a tattoo I started to design about 2 months ago. What's funny about this is on one side was mass doodling and on the other was the lone word without the rest of the design and phrase. I laughed to myself and thought I do need to believe, put the paper away and finished cleaning. I continued to think about that piece of paper and how ironic it was that it pops up in that very moment seeing as I haven't seen the paper in a while and I've been going through this whole epiphany thing. After the cleaning frenzy ended I sat down to check my email. NO joke there in my inbox is an email from the owner saying that the manager was out today and they'd like me to come in on Mon to train/trial period. It's sounds crazy that just thinking of a positive word brings a positive ending but as far as I'm concerned it's one step closer to me believing in me, in all my walks and runs of life!

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