Why hello there stranger

Two words. Blog fail.
It's been over a year since my last post. It's a good thing this isn't my job and I don't get paid for it. I'd be living on the mean streets of NYC if that were the case.  I suppose an abbreviated update is necessary. Finished my last outdoor season with a pretty stellar PR. Became an assistant coach at a local Division 3 college, I headed up the Distance crew. Started a long distance relationship with a pretty incredible guy in Minnesota. Battled through a cross country, indoor and outdoor season with my athletes, watching and helping them break through barriers and have PR after PR. Battled through finding a balance to train myself while coaching and working to make end's meat, complete with total flops and PWs (personal worsts). Made a huge life decision to move at the end of this summer from the beloved coast I was born and raised on and my big city living, to the middle of nowhere country, MN (I might be over exaggerating the middle of nowhere part) to be with that previous mentioned incredible guy.

Now here I am, it's July 4th. After my coaching season ended in May, I decided I was going to buckle down and try to salvage the rest of my outdoor season. It hasn't exactly gone as planned, actually it's been way worse. I knew I was not in tip top shape but I didn't think I was as bad off as I really was. While I tried to maintain throughout coaching, I wasn't consistent. That was one key. I also forgot to maintain my mental game, looking back that was one of my biggest flaws. I took all the bad performances pretty hard and to heart. I had given up any and all hope to go to Club Nationals and running a decent time. While I had the standard, I couldn't afford to trip out West without monetary assistance and with team budget cuts, I was the bottom of the totem pole to receive anything.

This past Wednesday things took a change. Thankfully my range of abilities on the track (while not always top tiered) sometimes helps me in some situations, other times it can be a hindrance. This time I used it to my advantage. The only way I was going out to Seattle for Club Nats with help for funding was if I could do multiple events. Seeing as I only had the standard in 400IH, I was a bit in a bind, until I realized we didn't have someone in the steeplechase. Good thing for me both steeple and hurdles are typically under fielded with athletes so goal isn't for time rather than to finish to grab as many team points as possible (I did this a few years ago in Nebraska). That range also helped with relays. So with that my grim outlook was turned around and next week I'll  be flying out to Washington to compete with my team. I have zero expectations for times in races, the goal is to finish as high in place as I can to score points and to fight through the race pain to give my all. I know no matter what I do my season won't have the outcome I wanted but hopefully these final races will bring a little bit of peace to it.

Things that make you go...

Yes it's Friday night and I'm sitting home on my computer blogging. Do I have better things to do...if you consider laundry better things, than yeah I guess I might (this is what happens when you have to wake up early Sat to get your workout in). Is this my weekly blog post..indeed it is not, I will have my normal Sunday chronicling of my training week on Sun (or Mon or Tue).  :-)

Ok so where was I...why the random Friday blog post. It was just one of those days that made me smile on the inside and I thought I'd share on a separate recourse. Today I brought my laptop into work to do a few things for clients and to squander the internet access (yes I admit it I don't have internet at home *gasp*).  During that time I had changed my background on the desktop to a photo one of my FB friends had posted because I thought it was awesome and inspirational, but couldn't find for the life of me who the athlete was in the photo so I turned my computer to my boss/coach and asked him if he knew. While I was in showing him another coworker was in the room too and she spotted one of my sticky notes (I'm addicted to the real things & the virtual Windows ones). The sticky note she had picked up on was one with the number 57.8. Though it's not surprising that that was the one she called out, since it's fairly large in bold font, curiously she asked if that was one of my times.

 Admittingly I felt a little awkward explaining to her or anyone for that matter especially in front of my coach what the number symbolized. It's not that I'm ashamed, it's just something that I know is slightly lofty and it kinda my secret dream. I threw it to the wind and said yes it's a goal time. She knows my background so she asked if it was a 400 goal time, which I said yes and no that I need to hit that time first and foremost in the open 4 but essentially it's a 400 hurdle time. Precisely it's the B Standard for the Olympic Trials. It's funny if a nonrunner asked me I have a little less ambiguity to let them in on it but with runners I sometimes find it hard. Mostly for the fact that I know it's a stretch for me to hit that time right now, and runners know that too, so I feel a bit judged. It may just be all in my head but it's the way I feel. Anyways   I threw caution to wind this time around and something positive came out. The coach in the room (I have 2) turned and said if you keep running like you have been in practice you won't be too far off. My heart smiled at that instant. I know that I've been busting my butt in practice, and I know that I'm ridiculously stronger than I think I've ever been. Most of my teammates have seen it and told me and both of the coaches have told me on a few instances too, but it was at that moment that I knew someone else believed in me. Yes I know that all my family and friends believe in me and always have (I thank you all for that), and of course I believe in myself. It's just when someone who you look to for guidance in your dream tells you they believe in you it resonates in a very different way. I wish I could explain it but it's a feeling that I can't explain. 

After all was said and done, and the euphoric feeling carried away, I banged out a lifting workout, trained a client, then stuck around the gym to peruse the internet and cyberstalk  catch up on other's blogs and whatnot. One blog in particular I fell in love with was Lauren Fleshman's, a pro 5000m runner. In one of her posts I stumbled upon an inspirational drawing from one of her endeavors Believe I Am that capped my day off to exactly what I'm feeling. The hidden cryptic message in the rose says "I am grateful". I wish it was in the arsenal of goodies on the site to buy but instead I will attach it here and look to it and remind myself, because more than ever I am grateful.