Gains and Losses

The road rolls on back to New York. I have no more steeple chances left but I do have a chance for a provisional race. The last Tuesday night at the races it is, 1500m here I go. I sign up and decided to grab an extra finish sticker just in case I miss the 1500 and I have to try for the 3000. I try to keep positive and know in my head that I can hit 5 minutes. I line up and start asking around if anyone planned on racing a sub 5 so I could make sure that I pace with them, only one girl answers and tell me it's all mine and to go ahead. That doesn't really help me. The gun goes off and I go trying not to go out too fast, a couple of girls go way out, I decide not to go with them. Shoulda, coulda, woulda just went and held on, instead I meagerly eased on running by myself and missed my time by 6 seconds. I was pretty heart broken. I bitterly try to get myself together to race the 3K in a short while afterwards. It was hard to digest that I had to go at it again. As the race started and the rain started with it, I should have just let the let down wash away and put my whole effort into it. I let it go for the first mile, trying my hardest to stay on the shoulder of a girl who I knew would clear the time I needed, then the length of the race got to me. It allowed me time to think, and I slowly I lost touch with the girl and myself. Being a thinker is a great attribute to have, but it's one of my biggest hindrances in life. It causes me sleepless nights, unmade decisions, and faulty races. I don't want to not be conscious of what's around me but I do need to learn when to stop. Needless my thoughts, and maybe a few outside sources ie. by the end of the 1st lap it was pouring rain, I failed yet again.
After going over,and over in my head,replaying every move I should have made, harping on the 6 seconds in the 1500, I completely failed to recognize that I had a PB in both races. They aren't huge leaps and with proper training I could easily abolish those times, but nonetheless they were still the fastest times I've ever run in either race. You win some and you lose some and sometimes those losses are actually wins.